Oh, it’s time for a juicy article.
If you’ve ever wanted to know how to be amazing in bed I want to give you my own private little secrets that help contribute to not only making my life one of amazing love and passion but when I impart the same ideas to people that I am coaching, their sex life’s also transformed.
(PLEASE NOTE: if you’re somebody who believes in intimacy after marriage, that’s all good. This article is for those who are sexually active now. We will also be assuming that you have mutual consent with your partner to try everything in this article. Please consult your partner before trying anything new/suggested)
WHY BE AMAZING IN BED?
Ok, before we talk about HOW, we have to talk about WHY. I’ve often found that sexual connection is the third big element in the amazing trifecta that is your relationship. In fact, I’ve even joked with clients on calls that really people are only ever looking for three things in a partner.
1. To feel special.
2. To feel safe.
3. To be obliterated in bed.
Now, when I say obliterated, I don’t mean destroyed, but to lose one’s self. This can be hardcore erotic that just has you going at it like rabbits, OR slow and passionate and loving that takes hours. I’ve often observed that in the best sexual counters you’ll ever have you’re just not thinking about anything. In fact, the more you’re not thinking, the more you’re just ACTING and LIVING it, the better it is!
In fact, sex is so important to a relationship, because without it you’re just friends. Without friendship, you’re friends with benefits. While 90% of the articles I’ve written on this website are about connection, it’s time to get it on with chemistry.
HOW TO BE AMAZING IN BED.
1. Pay attention to the first two parameters.
You know how we mentioned above that the first two elements are being special and feeling safe, well, without those two elements you can’t even have the third.
Imagine for a moment you’re about to jump in bed with somebody who doesn’t make you feel safe. You’re going to be all ridging and since you don’t feel safe, you’re going to hinder the flow of your own energy and get all in your head. There is just not trust.
With the specialness, it’s the same. Imagine getting into bed with somebody who you know just does it for the sake of doing it and it doesn’t matter if it is you or not. Sure, it might be fun the first time, but I would argue that most people will start to feel more like a sex toy (while that can be fun, more about that later) than an actual participant.
Now, let’s flip it around.
It’s so important to be able to help your partner feel both safe and special. While it’s not needed to conduct some safety and special ritual which slows down the whole process, it IS about the moments leading up. Do you pay attention to what your partner says and feels? Do you know what makes them feel special? Do you know what makes them feel safe?
Often to feel special, we need to hear or see or experience something. To feel safe, often we need certain parameters. Pay attention to what makes them happy and give them more of that. Pay attention to what makes them light up. Notice what compliments put a smile on their face and give them more of that. This step alone can be the line between mediocre sex and mindblowing. This helps your partner open up massively. People NATURALLY open up when they have the right conditions. Help them open up. Pay attention to what lights them up!
If your sex life is shit, pay attention to this before anything else.
So, moving forward, we will be talking more about sex assuming that you’re both making the person feel special and safe.
Now, this is an interesting one. Follow-through is interesting.
Before I explain follow-through I need to bring in a metaphor. Love and trust can be like water. Your relationship can be like a cup. If there’s a crack, then the love falls out! The love also takes the shape of the cup that it’s inside!
Now, why do I bring up this metaphor? Well, simple. Follow-through can be one of the sexiest things you can do with your partner. Follow-through is your ability to follow through with not only the things that you say but the things that you think of at the moment.
Want to flip your partner around? GO DO IT!
Want your partner to do things to you? Let them know and get in a position for it to happen!
I say this because hesitation is the opposite of follow-through. Hesitation is like the crack that we spoke about earlier. The more you hesitate, the more that your encounter becomes disjointed. The less you hesitate and follow-through with the actions you not only promised but you think at the moment, you show your partner that you’re confident. Not only in bed, but in life.
When you have it in your mind that you have to follow through with your thoughts, you’ll be more confident. That sext you were a bit nervous about? SEND IT! It’s so much sexier when you are confident with it, when you follow through. You’re also helping your partner get out of their head because you’re not in your head as you do an action.
All of this is assuming you have consent from your partner for all these things. It’s best to discuss earlier and ask your partner to let you know when things don’t fit well with you two. This helps you two build a distinct dictionary of what you will do and what you won’t do.
There’s nothing wrong with that is there?
3. Build up
I’ve often told people that sex starts the moment you decide to have it, not when the penetration starts. Sometimes sex doesn’t even include penetration! Thinking it has to have it means that it’s a rush for the end. Recognizing that it doesn’t have to always include penetration or orgasm ultimately opens it up a whole slew of experiences, because you’re not defining what it could be.
But, I hear you asking, what about the build up?
Well, if sex starts the moment you decide, then it’s important to let your partner know! Text them, call them, let them know something exciting is happening later on in the day and more importantly, let them know (if they stress out due to personal pressure) that it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t happen.
Remember how we spoke about earlier that safety is key? Well, if a person feels pressured into something, safety is out the window and often most people can’t even get aroused! This pressure we put on ourselves can be so detrimental, so the last thing you want to do is add to it. You want to take off pressure and let them know something exciting is coming. This way their mind can bring together more and more resources into the mix. When people have mentally prepared for something, there is a lot of momentum behind it.
Now, if we were speaking on a call, I’d be able to give you specifics about your situation. This article is clearly the over-arching principles. I do want to be able to help you create something amazing, so with all these principles in mind, I want you to pay attention to what your partner needs and what drives you wild!
What are your ultimate fantasies? Let me know! The more we are comfortable talking about it all, the more we can inspire them to happen in real life.
Then you get that Hollywood passionate love scene!
Thanks for reading!
Sharam Namdarian Xx