A big theme recently is social skills.
God damn social skills.
No matter where I go, it keeps coming up. I even have an upcoming interview on an Australian radio show this weekend (tune in Sunday, 9pm on Triple J’s the Hook up. If you’re out of Australia you can still tune in on their website).
You know how sometimes things just keep coming up and up and up in your life? Like over and over again? Like the universe is trying to tell you something?
Well, for me, this is it. (in fact I might even release an audio coaching about these skillsets).
One of the major themes that keeps coming up is anxiety though. Regardless if you want to meet more people for your own friendship circle, dating circle or networking for business. It doesn’t matter what it is because:
With people’s social lives, they know exactly what to do, they just don’t do it?
Why is that exactly?
Well, it is easy to say anxiety. Anxiety can rule us sometimes. We feel so anxious we confuse our words and sometimes don’t do anything at all.
But here’s the thing.
Anxiety itself is not the problem. We all have experienced it from time to time and in varying degrees.
The anxiety we have about anxiety is the problem.
Let me explain:
Anxiety is not really an issue. We can feel it, and once we feel it we get used to it and we can move on from it (I call this process Surrender and I teach it and facilitate it in private coaching calls).
It’s the anxiety that we experience about anxiety that is the issue. We, as humans, often don’t want to feel anxious because of negative associations we have towards it, so we don’t let ourselves be exposed to the anxiety in the first place.
So the result:
WE NEVER GET GOOD AT DEALING WITH IT.
We never get comfortable with anxiety.
We never surrender to it.
As a result, we never let it evolve to its next form, which is excitement.
The raw excitement to meet somebody new.
The raw excitement that comes from not knowing what to say.
This anxiety about anxiety is so prevalent that it’s almost a cultural norm.
In people’s dating lives we turn to apps because we are too afraid to say hello in real life. There’s nothing wrong with apps themselves, but if you want to become more social in your life, this is a massive solution.
To surrender to your anxiety, let it be felt.
And more importantly, to surrender to your anxiety about anxiety (if you experience that), to let it be felt, so you can learn from it and move on.
And, well… develop social super powers!