Sexual liberation isn’t new, but it seems every generation has its own version. While I am not here to talk about history, I do want to talk about one’s own sexual liberation journey and more importantly, healed sexuality.
Sexual liberation is a very interesting concept. For some it means they admit to themselves what they really want, for others, it means they finally start to explore their kinks. For each individual person, it will be unique and rather special, because what is missing from one’s own sexuality (while shared) is exactly that, “one’s own.”
Sexuality and playing roles.
The thing I want to bring up in this discussion, however, is firstly the idea that we are often playing roles in our sexuality and while this can be liberating can also be limiting. Heck, even one’s own liberation can be limiting.
Examples of roles that we can play in a relationship are as follows:
- The Girlfriend
- The Boyfriend
- The Husband
- The Wife
- The Lover
- The Estranged Lover
- The Cheater
- The Friend
I don’t need to explain these roles because whatever you think of these roles tends to be true.
Now, with regards to sexual liberation, a person can feel and step into a role and bring along with it all their preconceived ideas and notions.
For example, a person entering a stage of becoming a wife from the stage of a girlfriend can bring with it all the preconceived notions of what a wife is and how that differs from a girlfriend. This also can include assumed sexual roles. One might have more issues with their sexuality as a wife because they have watched their mother (an often early example of what a wife might look like) have a terrible relationship or displays of affection with their father. With this, also similarly, a person can often assume the physical shape of their parent as well when entering that role as they might have been unconsciously conditioned for their whole life. In this example, a girlfriend entering the role of a wife may not only start to eat more (if their mother was heavier) but also start to love less often or love more angrily if given such role models.
On the other hand, roles can be liberating. A girlfriend, for example, entering the role of a wife might also have deep within her a deep lust and desire, not just for their chosen partner but just in general. They might also choose to play the role of a slut in the relationship (a wild notion for some men’s personal development but hear me out). This role, or label, might also help this person access deeper parts of their sexuality but also, along with it shame. Shame that can be healed.
The point is, even in a struggling sexual relationship (and yes, this can be single as well), roles can both limit us and also propel us to higher forms.
The problem with the role of the sexually liberated.
One often role that a person can step into is the role of a sexually liberated person, which can be very freeing but also limiting like other roles.
The reason why this role can be freeing is that, well, let me ask you, what does a sexually liberated person look like? This might be different for many people. For one person it might be somebody who has lots of sex and has no blockages (an often fantasy for a sexually inhibited person who seems freedom of expression). For another person, it might be the dream of many partners or lovers (even in a committed relationship).
Again, these can be very free-ing. Learning to step into the role of a sexually liberated person can be ecstatic for some, but it is still not vulnerable.
The Power of Vulnerability
The ability to be your true self, regardless of roles, will heed you more power in your relationships than anything you can heed.
The ability for one to be really vulnerable in their relationships, vulnerable to love but also to hate, to acceptance and rejection, will bring you more love, passion and sexual expression than ever before.
Often we can want to play a role to protect us from our partner, which can be freeing if we are afraid of getting hurt.
Heal your fear of becoming hurt and one can start to see really unique results.
True sexual liberation, or healed sexuality, is the ability to transcend roles (or play one if desired but not out of protection but out of love) and be just you.
You are loveable as you are, which is a hard pill to swallow for some people.
The ability to say to your partner “I want more love,” or “can you please kiss me like this” can start to bring in much deeper powerful connections because you are EXPOSED. Exposed to being loved for who you are and cherished for what you are. For some, the risk is higher but the reward is an honest connection.
Some people want sex when they really want love.
Others want liberation when they really want to be known.
The walls we hold up to protect ourselves can be the very thing limiting us after a while, and I say the whole experience is OK.
As my rule goes, “You will be rewarded in your relationships in direct relationship with how honest you are with yourself.”
To this extent, as you start to heal your relationship with sexuality you’ll start to realise that the notions of rejection, hurt, pain, and depression in relationships come as just deep introspection. That they were not rejecting you, they themselves needed love.
A loved starved person will find it hard to see that their partner needed love as well.
A sexually starved person will find it hard to see that their partner needed sexual expression as well.
Attention starved people also follow this same rule.
Sexually healed people also start to question their preconceived ideas of what sexual liberation looks like, and that they can form their own decisions on what that means. They can choose to be limited one day, expressive the next and all experiences are welcome.
They are healed because they are no longer stuck within the walls they created for themselves.
And you will be also.
Thanks for reading.
Learn how to heal yourself: Get Introduction to Surrender Now.