Oh dear. The “what if” person! Unrequited love, or just an imagination gone wild! To be a “What if” person in somebody’s life is to be lead on till the end of your days! To HAVE a “what if” person can be just as detrimental to your own personal growth and destiny! To this extent, in this article, we are going to explore these two forms of “what if” and why, if you have them in your life, this can be extremely damaging. We will also talk about what to do about it!
WHY HAVING A “WHAT IF” PERSON IS BAD FOR YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH.
Alrighty, dear reader, here’s the truth. There’s a certain cosmic law when it comes to relationships that reads:
You can’t move forward in a relationship while keeping the light on old one alive.
This is the truth. It’s about understanding that you have an energetic flow. That energetic flow of love might be limitless, but like any flow (like a river for example), it will flow with a certain stream to it. When you have a single purpose in mind, that flow tends to go in the one direction and life itself tends to seem to work out!
On the other hand, if you have a fork in your flow, you’ll end up diverting your energy. This is why it is damaging to have a “what if” person in your life. The person that you will always wonder about what might have happened IF you two got together. When you’re diverting your flow you end up being held in the past. I think this is interesting because, through all my adventures observing my own mind, you’re constantly trying to create: create happiness, create love, create something! it’s through this that when you really observe the mind, you can observe that this focus is where your energy flows and does it flow to the past to try and fix some situation that has long gone or to the future, to create something that can happen NOW!
This focus of past or future is important here, because if it’s flowing to the past YOU NEVER MOVE FORWARD! Some people might argue that it’s important to learn from mistakes so you can move forward but I argue back,
“Wouldn’t it make more sense to learn from lessons that you’re experiencing NOW rather than trying to solve a problem that has long since moved on?”
This is one so many love lives can be stuck, and this applies to ALL relationships! Some people, for example, can be stuck in business because they were trying to solve how to get clients who just didn’t want to be clients!
The simple rule here when it comes to relationships is: if it was GOING to happen, it WOULD have happened! This can be distressing for some people because they wished certain things could have happened, but it’s nice to move on.
What would you prefer? The past situation where it would give you a sense of feeling of momentary victory OR a future situation of growth, happiness and having what you want NOW?
I don’t know about you, but I know which one I want!
HOW TO FIX THIS:
Kill the “what if guy!”
I don’t mean go to his house and snuff out his life, what I mean is that you remove him from your life as a potential love affair. This is one of the best things you can do to allow your body and mind to move forward. Make a new standard that your flow of energy moves FORWARD and not backwards! Catch yourself when you find yourself slipping back wondering about what could have been.
I’ve seen people who were married struggle in their relationships because one person in it has a “what if” person that they sometimes think about. It’s not bad, but when that is the case it distracts you from your current one. You then inhibit yourself from either being the BEST relationship on earth or figuring out if you guys just aren’t a good match. When you’re in that state, you end up slowing the whole process down.
DON’T BE A “WHAT IF” PERSON
Now, we flip it around. The “what if” person can be also quite damaging for the other person. Imagine if you were the “what if” person for somebody else, knowing that you would be damaging for another person’s relationship? Causing them more problems and heartache in the future!
I don’t know about you, but that situation seems pretty fucked to me. If you’re the kind of person who enjoys doing that to other people, please close this window now. You will not get any more from this article.
For those people that don’t want to damage other people’s relationships? GREAT! Let’s keep reading!
When you are this person for somebody else, you end up splitting their energy. You also damage your friendship with that person. Their energy will be split with you as well. It’s like a couple kids playing a game about “if only’s” and “what ifs” yet you never get anywhere!
WHAT THIS DOES TO YOU
When you tolerate being a “what if” person in somebody else’s life, you end up communicating to your subconscious that you are only deserving of that kind of behaviour. This can be stupidly painful!
Then, after a while, because you’ve practised being the “what if” person, you’ll stunt your own growth with the potential of not being important in many people’s lives. Why? You tolerate sub-standard situations so you invite more of them in your life.
WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT THIS?
Just pay attention to times in your life where people are keeping your relationship/friendship/what-ever a secret or secretly flirt with you or hang around “orbiting” you in a state of “what if.” They will keep your friendship a secret because they don’t want to harm their current one but they still want you around. You can tell because you’ll get the feeling that they may like you. Some people choose to ignore this, but my recommendation is to let them know your standards.
These are the new standards:
ONE: You’re not a secret friend, if you’re a friend then you are a friend.
TWO: You’re not a “what if” person.
THREE: You don’t tolerate situations you don’t want to be in.
If that person spins it back on you, which some people do, they might say something like,
“You’re the one coming up with all of this!” You can politely say back to them,
“That may be true, but this is how I feel. If you can’t respect that and choose to put it back on me, then I guess I’ve learned more about you in this process than before.”
This is key. Recognising that you’re worth more and not allowing people to attack or abuse your standards. It is to this extent that you can recognise the people who are going to play a good role in your life.
The people who are really worth your time!
Thank you for reading!