Have you ever asked yourself, why did he lead me on?
Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve felt so hurt because you were interested in somebody, only to have them turn around or even ghost you? Well, In this article today we are going to dive deeper into why this happens, and give you some ideas that help you not only find peace but also help you move on so you can experience a life that is happy and full of the love you deserve!
It’s got something to do with throwing a ball around.
Let’s talk about the situation.
So, you might have been dating somebody, or even interested in somebody. It’s going well, you two connect and have had a few dates! You’re looking forward to the next few ones when suddenly, he texts you something saying those dreaded words.
“I am just not looking for something serious.”
This is where people get angry and confused! Thoughts might start rushing through your head!
“Why did he lead me on? He’s just a player! Fuck that guy! If he can’t handle me at my worst, he can’t get me at my best. I miss him! I really was excited, how dare he get me excited! Why did he lead me on?”
Well, as much as it hurts, some people then either are quick to move on, or can get stuck in the emotion if they aren’t sure how to deal with it. So, I want to give you a few key understandings that help you move on and understand that weird little dating dance that people do.
For the rest of this article, we are going to assume the best, that he wasn’t just using you in that situation. I’m going to be assuming that you know how love works, why people fall in love, and that really, he wasn’t a commitment-phobe, but really, it’s about tests.
It is about tests.
Yes, I said it, tests. We test each other and you better believe we don’t always do it consciously. We test each other because we are learning to trust each other. It is sort of like throwing a ball around! When you first start to throw the ball, you don’t know if they are going to catch it! They then catch it, and you then learn that about them, they are a catcher! But now, you don’t have the ball! You need to know if they can throw it also and luckily they do! You catch it now, and suddenly you’ve developed a rhythm! It is this rhythm that creates trust with each other, because you know if you throw the ball, they will catch it.
Tests are not games. Tests are not manipulation. We test each other because we are trying to trust each other. What happens is, when we are with somebody, especially in a relationship, we are trusting a part of who we are to them. This is why often people will date somebody who’s very similar to them but also, “completes” them because they are entrusted with a part of them, and maybe they do that part better.
The couple then becomes a team!
So tell me more about test?
Well, here’s the thing with tests. There are two major areas in dating when people test each other. The first is at the start, to see if that person will be a good conversationalist/flirt. Usually, a person who has more experience will test the other person. We test to see if the person is not only going to be fun, flirty and good to be around but will also allow us to be who we are, not threaten us and isn’t just all fluff.
Sounds like a big test right? Well, usually if we break one of those tests, we either get instantly friend zoned, just put into an “entertainment” category, ignored or worse, turned into an emotional security blanket! How do you get past this? More on this later!
On the other hand, we have tests before getting into a relationship. We test each other to see if we can be around each other long-term if we can be ourselves if they can handle our insecurities and our confidence. Anything less and it gets stuck in a weird limbo until we either notice that this is what the other person needed or freak out and say “ARE YOU WITH ME OR NOT.”
Usually, in this case, it is not.
So why did he lead me on?
Ok, so, assuming that he wasn’t a commitment-phobe, and assuming, like all humans, he has the best intentions, then this was it. People sometimes have an internal timer when it comes to tests. In those two examples I spoke about earlier, the first flirty example, the timer is usually very quick, 10 seconds or so. With the second test, when it comes to establishing a relationship, the timer sort of can last anywhere from a month to several years but it will always remain in a weird limbo zone. The length of time really matters about how much somebody (either you or him) can tolerate that weird limbo zone.
He didn’t lead you on. He was looking for happiness just like you were. He didn’t want to hurt you, he just didn’t want to hurt himself. He wasn’t leading you on just to fuck with you, he was dating you to see how it could go, but it didn’t go to where he wanted to go. He wasn’t trying to play you and isn’t a player, he was genuinely interested but couldn’t trust himself to you. He wasn’t a commitment-phobe, he was looking for the perfect place to rest his heart.
So what can I do about it?
Well, two things.
First thing is, I’d take the time to learn how love works. The more you know about this sort of thing, the more you can see it coming. The more you can see it coming, the more powerful your love life can be, and you can even bypass tests altogether if the relationship flows in the right way!
The second thing is, don’t beat yourself up so much about this whole thing, that achieves nothing. I believe the best study of life is how it is, and sometimes that can suck if you’re new to it. Instead, become conscious of tests. Don’t actively seek them out, but look at them like they are a blessing. He is trying to be in a longer term relationship with you! That is what a test is! It isn’t trying to fuck with you, but to see how well you’ll fit in his life!
If you want to learn more about how love works, you can check out my online course about it all here. Get 20% off at the checkout by using the coupon code “scarylove” because it’s currently almost Halloween in 2018. Why? because love should not be scary, and after doing this online course, you’ll know how it works.
Thank you for reading!
Sharam Namdarian Xx