Hey! Want to get over your insecurities? Well, this is the article for you!
Going to talk about something touchy today. Something that some people might put a #triggerwarning in front of it, so if you’re strong-willed and confident, then move forward. If you’re somebody who WANTS to become confident, especially when it comes to love, dating, relationships & sex, this is going to be the article for you!
Nobody cares about your insecurities.
The insecurities that we have are often our own. Well, some people, and guess what? Some people don’t! Some people are so quick to judge themselves and to tell other people about their insecurities that they end up convincing them to look at them. I find that people are often insecure because they are thinking about whatever they are insecure about is what other people judge them for.
This list includes, but is not limited to:
hair, looks, confidence, face, fitness, what they have to say, their family, their friends, their job, low income, high income, sense of fashion, skin, etc.
The general idea here is that we often are judging ourselves for something that we think other people should be or will be judging us for! We are quick to shoot ourselves in fear of other people shooting us.
This is total bullshit.
It’s total bullshit because we then become our own worst enemies. Then this perpetuates the “self-love” cycle that people go through. You might recognise that there’s a part of you that you put yourself down for, or you’re not that good to yourself on, then you might hear a saying out there on the internet.
“Love yourself first.”
Which is true, but is not the full answer. People get the whole “love yourself first” thing and get themselves stuck in the corner!
“Lack of partner, well, I might as well love myself first.”
“Lack of income, well, I have to love myself first!”
While this is true to an extent, it is and only ever will be the first step.
Loving yourself can be done out of lack.
What? What do I mean by this! Loving yourself can be done out of lack!
Well, let’s look at a parallel. Starting a conversation with somebody. You can start a conversation with somebody because you feel lack and you want somebody to like you, or you can start a conversation with somebody because you want to and you think it makes both your and their life better. The same action, different emotional starting points so ultimately different results.
When you do something out of lack, or feel it out of lack, you end up creating more lack. When you do something out of the joy of giving, you end up creating more abundance. This is different from loving yourself and this is different to you getting over your insecurities. Loving yourself and battling yourself are both tasks that can cause a massive lack in your life if done incorrectly.
So what do I do instead?
Well, I want you to consider a paradigm shift. If you’ve done things the way you’ve always done it, you’ll get results you’ve always got. Right? Simple enough?
Well, to me, and my work with people, especially in love, is all about one little word. Identity.
It’s who you think you are and what you think of yourself. NOW. Not what you want to become. Not comparing yourself to other people. Not comparing yourself to who you think you should be.
Complete and utter acceptance of who you are.
When you’re in this state of ultimate acceptance, that’s when you start to grow.
When you’re in a state of ultimate acceptance, you end up solving a lot of your problems automatically.
When you’re in this state of ultimate acceptance, you start to assert your standards instantly and automatically.
You also become 10x more attractive. WHY?
Not because you love yourself, and you take yourself on dates and shower yourself with riches and loving treats. It’s because you ACCEPT YOURSELF. You know yourself and you can, as a result, share yourself with the world. You also have a lot fewer thoughts holding yourself back, so you start to be there fully.
So let me ask you this, what is more attractive?
A person who is unsure of themselves or a person who is sure of themselves?
A person doubts themselves or a person who brings love and light into your life?
A person who tells you about what they are insecure about or a person who brings you up instantly and automatically?
WHAT IS MORE ATTRACTIVE? A smile or a frown?
You see, I know what my answer is, but what is yours? To this extent, there are two kinds of people…
Those that accept themselves and those that do not.
Those that accept themselves are not trying to prove themselves. They know themselves and so they have more they can give to another human being. Those that do not know themselves use the world as a therapist. Sometimes a person can know themselves in one part of their life and not in another. They can know themselves in their work life but completely shut down in their love life. This is why a person can be really successful in their entrepreneurial life, but be utterly terrible in their dating life. This is also why most of my clients are high-powered successful women. They haven’t had a chance to express their dating life just yet, because they became so good at business.
Imagine for a second you’re on a date with a person, and all they tell you is about what is going wrong with their life. I once went on a date with a girl like that, I almost walked out. The key here is, you went on a date to connect, you didn’t go there to have a therapist. Sure, when you’re together you can solve each other’s problems, but that is, and always will a privilege! It’s not their job just like it isn’t yours.
Also, imagine this:
We are a human race that is very good at racing, and overall in the good course of history not very good at being human to one another. We have burnt, killed and maimed each other. Taken each other’s stuff, and people, given it back, dirtied the planet and emptied its oceans. Only now, that we have seen the error of our ways do we now start to fix this. This is what I call causality. Only when you see the results, do we see the full extent of our actions and potentially change our ways.
We are also trying to get to Mars, well some of us are. The Elon Musks and other eccentric billionaires out there are working hard to make that dream come true. Imagine, for a second, that the entire world was working together to make that happen. You better believe that we would get there a hell of a lot sooner.
This is the same as completely and utterly accepting one’s self. All your internal resources are working together to make the impossible, possible. To make the unreal, real.
Dare I say, to make your dreams come true.
And that is what I do for a living. You better believe this job I’ve created for myself is bloody fantastic, and I am thankful for every life I get to transform. For every heart, I get to touch. For every identity, I get to align. For every love I create.
Thank you for reading!
Sharam Namdarian Xx