How to Let Go of Someone – Ask Harvey #58


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Have you ever wondered why breakups can feel like death?

I’m not talking about you dying, but having somebody close to you pass away. For some people, it feels like this and for others, it ain’t so bad! The thing that I am trying to get across to you is that often when we go through a breakup, it can the emotional equivalent of having somebody pass away.

It’s like a part of our heart is being torn apart, and I would argue part of your mind has to re-wire and as a result, it feels so bloody painful!

FUCK MY LIFE am I right?


So what do you do about this?

Well, this can be down to the person, but after all my time working with some amazing people on a global scale, and honestly, after going through this myself, I can tell you this.

If you’re going through a breakup, it’s important that you allow yourself to grieve.

This means that if you need to be alone because you need to feel bad, then do that. I find what some people do when they are in this place is that they look for a way to numb the pain, and sometimes this is useful, but everytime you numb the pain you also numb yourself to the equivalent benefit.

The thing is, when you are going through a breakup, your heart is re-wiring itself. It’s deciding that it wants more, it needs more and that as it opens itself up to more, just like some things in life, it can hurt.


But when you avoid this, you avoid the lessons that come through this.

Imagine for a moment you’ve sat on your arm for a while and it’s gone numb. All of a sudden you want to move it again you get that crazy phenomenon called “pins and needles!” Where blood starts to rush to your arm and it can hurt.

Now, if you were to decide that it was too painful to go through, you’ll end up with a numb arm and that is sort of useless right?

Well, if you were to allow the process to happen and just make it as comfortable as possible, it will go quickly and easily and soon you have your bloody arm back!

Breakups are the same, except instead of JUST getting back access to your heart, you’re also expanding it a little bit through the process. You learned what you wanted and what you don’t want, and as a result, you’re consolidating those lessons!

If you don’t allow this process, you’re doomed to repeat it!

So what can you do about this to make this process as comfortable as possible? Well, that’s what this video is about!

It’s about breakups and how to let go of somebody!

In this video, we go through some ways that you can ease the process of letting go of somebody, in addition to retaining your confidence along the way.

If you lose your confidence along the way, that itself can be a huge journey to get back!

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