Well, this article is going to be a raw and honest article. Something that, when you understand the ideas here, will put you on the right track because it’s bloody exhausting to be constantly trying and to feel like your constantly getting nowhere. You might be in a situation where you just keep dating guys thinking “this is the one that is going to work out” and for him to go from stud to dud after the first couple dates. You might be in a situation where you’re currently seeing somebody and you are worried about it being a waste of time. Whatever the situation, you just might feel like it’s going nowhere and it is frustrating, exhausting and sometimes quite painful.
Well, fret not, because it’s time to drop some truth bombs in this article!
Why is it frustrating?
Well, it’s simple, and you and I already know this. It is frustrating because you feel like you keep hitting your head against an emotional wall. Where you are is not where you’d prefer to be, so you keep trying to take action to make progression, and whatever you do, it isn’t working. Now, outside of working with an expert who’s got the answers (click here to apply for my program), I want to share with you some mindsets that really help. Some of them you’d know already if you’ve been following me and some will be new because you might not have seen or been ready for them yet.
You either have what you want or you’re getting ready for it.
GET THIS IN YOUR HEAD.
You don’t have the relationship that you want because you’re just getting ready for it, and that’s the best bit! The getting ready process IS the process. It’s the process that doesn’t need to take so long, but if you were in it and it was working, it would mean that you were 100% ready for it.
The way I look at it, there are various dimensions that people live in, and usually, we are just unable to see the people that we are meant to connect with because we just aren’t ready to exist and live in that dimension. Now, I don’t say this to put you down or to make you even more frustrated, but I share this with you because I want you to get excited.
THERE IS MORE TO LEARN!
“what?” I hear you say, “there’s more to learn?”
Well, yes! This is the part of the getting ready for it process. You’re LEARNING, you’re upskilling, you’re allowing the composite parts to come together. Most people, I find, who are frustrated with their love lives are only frustrated because they want something more. They COULD have been married already. They could already be in a relationship but, ANY relationship just won’t do. It’s one of the major reasons why I exist as a dating coach. You aren’t a settler, you’re a seeker of depth in life.
As a seeker of depth, you’re wanting to create something amazing. Now, the best way to look at it, with the above idea in mind, is that you’re discovering how it all works. This process that you’re going through IS the process. It’s the process that not only helps you learn nuanced understandings of various aspects of a relationship and the dating process BUT it also helps strengthen your desire. Now in the future, I am creating a program all about strengthening your desire (get excited for it) but it’s that strengthened desire, that frustration, that exhaustion, that WANT that is the thing that ultimately will allow you to bursts through to that level.
LOVE IS LIKE PHYSICS.
Love is like physics because it just is. In physics, you have force applied to an object and you have friction that holds it back. Desire is like force applied to that object. To get the object (your love life to move), often more desire is needed. It’s the thing that helps your mind come up with more reasons to connect more neural pathways, to learn more and to strengthen what you’ve already got in you.
Some people focus on removing friction, and I get that. As a coach, when I work with people one on one in one of my amazing programs, I too also work on removing friction in your love life as well, but removing friction alone doesn’t always get you anywhere. You can remove all the friction in the world, all the frustration, but without desire, there is no momentum!
A NOTE ON MOMENTUM.
Momentum is the name of the game. In addition to results (because results are good) seek momentum. In fact, I’d invite you to seek momentum MORE THAN you seek results. Momentum means progress after all.
The reason why I say this is because often, I find, that when people get the relationship that they wanted, they stop doing or being all the things that they were doing to make it work, and as a result, it drops speed, and then it falls apart. They rode of the momentum (which sometimes won’t be that much in some people’s cases) of their previous desires and it only carried them so far.
This is why when people so politely declare to me that they don’t need dating advice because they are in a relationship I politely ask them if they are going on dates with their partner. Momentum is ALWAYS there, it is just a matter of whether you’re heading in the direction you want or not.
POSITIVE MOMENTUM VS NEGATIVE MOMENTUM AND HOW TO TELL?
Well, the thing is, we always are in momentum. We are either moving forward towards something we want or we are moving forwards towards something that we don’t want either way, we are moving forward. Isn’t that nice? That we are always moving forward!?
Now, consider this. How to tell if you’re moving in the right direction? Well, here’s the thing. YOU ALWAYS ARE! Sometimes the right direction feels like it’s the wrong direction because we need to head down that path to realising that’s not where we wanted to go!
So, if there is always positive momentum, why even bring up negative momentum?
Well, sometimes you have to talk about what things might be to discover what they really are. In the same way, you have to discover what you want by life showing you that things aren’t so bad by existing in them.
It’s like when I have a client who’s dealing with sadness. Eventually, when we work together, they discover that they are bored of being sad, and that they want some happiness instead. You’ll get bored of things being so hard and that’s when you’ll look for something easy.
Things should always be easy. That’s the basis of how it all goes.
Thanks for reading! I’m looking forward to talking to you on the phone soon.