In my travels, I’ve often observed that people sort of live in dimensions. Sure, we could get really deep and bring in quantum theory or string theory, but I don’t think that helps get the point across.
Outside of the great disasters of life (for example: the Caronavirus, The Bushfires in Australia or being born into circumstance) I’ve found that people tend to radically organise themselves into groups.
The sad people tend to mingle with the people that can make them sad, the happy people tend to organise themselves with people that help them be happy. The smart people tend to organise themselves with people that can help them be smart.
There seems to be this pattern that exists that gives us exactly what we are looking for (even if we aren’t fully aware of what that is at the time). I think I was aware of this for most of my life, but it only ever became more apparent to be in recent years. These dimensions that people live in, tend to permeate through all aspects of life. I’d find that people who took no active effort in healing their life would still be in the same situation or similar situation years later. Unresolved issues, if you will, tend to stay unresolved.
There was a period in my life when I was single, and I really wanted to learn about dating. Heck, I became a dating coach after all. I’d go out, I’d meet incredible woman after incredible woman, and always seem to fall for the ones that just were “outside of my reach.” I say outside of my reach not because I felt like I was worthless or something (however, years later I’d discover that to be true) but because I found that I’d always pick the women that I had to learn something from. They weren’t interested in me or for some reason, were not available at the time. I, on the other hand, would do everything within my power to solve the situation. I was looking to learn, and so I would only meet women who I could learn from. Not women who I could have a genuine and happy relationship with.
I remember the day I became aware of this. I don’t remember what I was doing, but I remember the realisation. That day, that faithful day, I became extremely aware. As if the glasses had been on my head the entire time.
“I want to learn about dating, so I only ever meet women who challenge me to learn something new.”
The glasses were on my head alright, and they had been sitting there for years. It was then that I decided to make a shift.
“So, if the goal is to actually meet somebody I’m interested in, why I don’t I focus on that?”
Seemed too good to be true, but sometimes the best things are. You see, somewhere along the way I got it in my head that I had to learn something about relationships to make them work. That there was something I was lacking, missing or hoping to happen. Some epiphany that I was missing out on. Not only that, I had practised this for so many years that it was also extremely jarring for me to go the other direction.
Would it be possible for me to seek love for love’s sake? Not for learning?
Well, yes, yes it was. I swear within a matter of months that is when I met my current partner. It’s been years now and she not only challenges me but she also genuinely wants to be with me.
Up until this point, I’d only ever been living in a different dimension. I chased women who were hard for me to meet, who taught me something new and then who would always hurt me. I was looking to be hurt. Years later, I’d hear a story about one of these women who were in the exact same situation as she was before. She was looking for validation and so would seek out men who wanted nothing more than to validate a woman. Maybe then, they could give themselves permission to validate themselves.
But that’s an insight for another time…
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