Love can come in many forms, but sometimes not in the form we want.
That is why learning to ask for what we want can be really powerful. We can ask for love from our partner, friendship from a friend or intimacy from a lover.
Learning to ask for what you want is an honest and powerful way of being. It shows you that you don’t have to trick people into things and that you can live your life being you.
So, what if somebody was to ask you to do something, and you say no. You might say it for many reasons. You might say it because you’re not free right now, you’re not into what they want or it might very well be a “not yet.”
Learning to say no to somebody is powerful, albeit hard sometimes. It is powerful because the act of saying no brings out deeper confidence in us, and hard because the fear of hurting another person is real for many.
Now, imagine for a moment, that you say no and then they get upset at you. Now, all of a sudden, you’re dealing with that now. Maybe they got angry at you. They asked you for help, you said no and then they got hurt or upset or whatever.
I talk a lot about letting go. Sometimes in a relationship, you have to shed the layers holding back a more intimate and honest connection. While I am not here to talk about those layers, I am here to talk about what happens if we do not fully accept somebody’s “no.”
In the same way that it pushes us away if we are rejected for saying no, the same thing happens to other people. If we ask somebody for something, they say no, and we get upset at them, we hurt them, we hurt the relationship. Now it is harder for them to say yes to us in the future. We have added a layer of hurt and confusion to the relationship, that honestly slows the whole process down.
Maybe somebody wanted to hang out with you, maybe they wanted to help you, maybe they wanted to love you. Rejecting somebody, at a deep emotional level, for rejecting you pushes them away and makes it harder for them to say yes to you in the future.
You don’t have to be complacent and not try and change the situation, it just means that accepting their no before you try anything can really help the relationship.
Thanks for reading.