Sex After Celibacy. How to Make Sure Your First Time is Good ~ Performance Anxiety (Ask Harvey #82)


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So, recently I’ve been asked about sex after celibacy, or more specifically sex after marriage. This can be one of the most beautiful things you can enjoy, but also, one of the most awkward. This is because your first time is not only new to the mind but new to the body. So, this week I’ve created a video that dives deeper into your first time and some mindsets that can really help you take off some of the pressure.

You see, to make your first time good, it is worth letting go on what you think good looks like. More often than not, we have been bombarded with images and ideas of what it should be, and it is this needless sense of perfection that can get in the way. Sometimes it is awkward and sometimes it hurts. Even when you’ve got a hang of it, it can still be awkward and hurt. When you let go of what it should be, then you’ll start to discover what it really is.

Two people connecting.

Sex is and will always be two people connecting (or more if you’re so inclined) because during the act you are quite vulnerable. If you’re new to it, parts of your body are being activated in ways that they have never been activated before, and it can also bring up deeper emotions.

Hold yourself through it. Don’t worry too much about what it means, because usually what is happening is happening perfectly for you.

Sex after celibacy often has a lot of spiritual significance, and you can have that sure, but I am asking you to drop all significance for it so you can be fully present in the moment. When you don’t worry about it being perfect, then you can see how it is perfect for you.


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